Iron Man 3 Review

So, if it wasn’t obvious...SPOILERS.

I’m not gonna be long and eloquent, because that’s not how my thoughts on the matter are.  So here it comes, burst-fire mode.  Get ready.

In 2007, I saw Spiderman 3. In 2013, I saw Iron Man 3. 

I am sensing a trend.

My feelings walking out of the theater were almost identitical.

Frustration. Anger.  But most of all, massive, MASSIVE, disappointment.

This movie had so much potential.

What a squandered opportunity.  What wasted potential.

“Do you want an empty life, or a meaningful death?”

Not. Even. In. The movie. At all. 

Is there another Iron Man 3 out?  Because the one I saw last night is NOT the one that was advertised.

Such potential.  Maybe Stark finally faces a villain that is an actual threat to him?  That might actually teach him a lesson?  Nope.

Potentially iconic images: Tony Stark dragging his suit behind him in the snow.  Pepper Potts holds a broken Iron Man helmet in her hands, straight out of Shakespeare.  Wasted.

There is no sense of tension or gravity in this movie.  I’m not saying I wanted it to be a weighty, heavy affair like a Nolan Bat-movie, because it shouldn’t be.  But it doesn’t even give the plot the ounce of gravity it deserves.  Silliness, through and through.

It should have had at least some gravitas to it, and it didn’t. 

An army of goons that look like a cross between Terminators and minor villains from a Ghost Rider movie.

Guy Pierce breathes fire……….Yup, you heard me.

Happy Hogan is on the screen for about two minutes. 

The entire middle section of the movie – no Iron Man.  Tony Stark walking around town with some kid.

And most of all…

LAMEST TWIST EVER.

No, seriously.  What a waste of Ben Kingsley’s talent.  I wanted to see menace.  I wanted to see sinister.  Instead I got some bumbling, drug-addled buffoon (which to be fair, Kingsley plays superbly…how could he not?).

The only redeeming thing is Downey as Tony Stark.  I would watch him be Tony Stark all day.  There are a few genuinely funny moments (some of the stuff with the kid is actually good). A handful of entertaining spectacles. But they could not survive probably the worst plot in a superhero movie I’ve seen lately. 

What a bad start to the summer movie season.  I am legitimately bummed out. 

I might add more to this later….maybe.

Out.