The Tide

It is said that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

If this is true, then I have been insane for awhile.

How does one change? How does one truly alter a way of thinking?

For the longest time, I have accepted life as it is. I have allowed certain things to become the status quo. I keep doing the same things, acting the same way, thinking the same way, and then turn around and ask myself incredulously: "Why is nothing getting better? Where is that thing I keep expecting to come along to make things better?"

Why?

Because it's comfortable. Because it's convenient. Because it suits me. Because I have used the excuse that it is who I am. I have fooled myself into thinking that everything I do extends directly from my personality and the kind of person I have become. And as I have fooled myself, I have become a fool.

Part of the problem is that we have these ideas about ourselves, these pictures of who we want to be, who we fancy ourselves to be. And we get used to viewing ourselves that way. We operate in this fantastical realm of self where who we are is who we want to be. And somewhere along the way we convince ourselves that this is who we are right now. We wear a disguise, a disguise so good, that it even fools ourselves, and we fail to see that this picture of ourselves is far from reality.

If we were to take a look at our lives, a real look, an honest look, we would have to admit that who we think we are, and who we are in reality are two very different things. Like Neo after he wakes from the Matrix into the real world, he must deal with the "residual self-image" and face the reality of what he is.

But we don't want to do that. Because it's uncomfortable. Because it's difficult. Because we might have to...change.

It's not just habits. It's thoughts. And if you sow a thought, you reap an action. Sow an action, you reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, and you reap a destiny. And when we fail to change our thoughts, we wonder why our destiny hasn't altered one bit.

"Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..."

Who we are is the most powerful tool we possess in order to make of our life what it should be. But the first step to that is to realize that the glorified picture we have of ourselves is not correct, and to wait around for things to change, while in the meantime we change nothing, is foolish.

We aren't locked into who we are. We can change. We can become. We are not merely rafts tossed about on the sea of our personality.

For a long time I have lived with life being less than what I want it to be. I have shouted and shaken my fist at God, asking why things aren't getting better. But all the while, I have been acting and thinking the exact same way. That must change. That will change. I have reached the point where I am frustrated with being frustrated. I am tired of being tired of life.

I could let it go on. I could sit and do nothing, like I have done. I could wallow in who I am and what I want. I could wait around for things to change, and undoubtedly, some good things would happen, some bad things would happen. That's just life. But to get to where I want to be I have to BE who I should be.

If I change nothing in my life, then life will never change.